More funny quotes!

'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.'  

Shirley Temple

'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?' 

Tom Armstrong

'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.' 

Victor Borge

'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'  

Arlo Guthrie

'You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.'

Robert Paul

'Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?

You know... the birth of Santa.'

Bart Simpson


'Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.'

W. C. Fields

'Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.'

P. J. O’Rourke

'From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it'

Katharine Whitehorn

'Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.'

Dave Barry

'There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmas time. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.'          
P.J. O'Rourke

'Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.'            
Kin Hubbard