Funny Quotes!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Anonymous

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Phyllis Diller

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Jay Leno

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Anonymous

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

Anonymous

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

Tom Sims

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Bernard Manning

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Anonymous

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

John Cleese, "Mony Python"

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck